( julian stares and stares. the spear nestled into the groove between his ribs is of absolutely no concern to him anymore. can he even feel pain? does he care? could he bleed enough? would it ever stop? can he die? would he stay dead? all questions he's asked and, one way or another, found answers to. and they don't matter. nothing mattered except... well...
except the very real sentiment that morga's recollections are stirring up in him now. his mouth falls open again, the frustrated search gone from his expression. instead there's only glassy-eyed, horror-stricken, miserable shock. where are the tells? that this is all another big, horrible lie? there aren't any. there aren't any, and nothing morga is saying is untrue. he goes so long without blinking that his eyes start to water up; when he finally does, his tears are very real, very normal tears. no inky blackness, no blood. just regular human tears. )
...I had to.
( it's all but a whisper, agonized. he exhales, then inhales again. lays his hand once again over the end of that spear like if he had a mind to he'd urge it right into his body and push it clear through to his lung, just to feel again the way it felt that day. when he took that pain away like it was his own, happily and willingly. because— )
I wanted you to be safe. It was a small price to pay to— to— no, you shouldn't be here! I don't have that power anymore! I can't protect you! I can't do anything for you—I'm not anything, I'm no one. Nothing.
no subject
except the very real sentiment that morga's recollections are stirring up in him now. his mouth falls open again, the frustrated search gone from his expression. instead there's only glassy-eyed, horror-stricken, miserable shock. where are the tells? that this is all another big, horrible lie? there aren't any. there aren't any, and nothing morga is saying is untrue. he goes so long without blinking that his eyes start to water up; when he finally does, his tears are very real, very normal tears. no inky blackness, no blood. just regular human tears. )
...I had to.
( it's all but a whisper, agonized. he exhales, then inhales again. lays his hand once again over the end of that spear like if he had a mind to he'd urge it right into his body and push it clear through to his lung, just to feel again the way it felt that day. when he took that pain away like it was his own, happily and willingly. because— )
I wanted you to be safe. It was a small price to pay to— to— no, you shouldn't be here! I don't have that power anymore! I can't protect you! I can't do anything for you—I'm not anything, I'm no one. Nothing.